No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
