Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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