I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
