Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Your penis caused this!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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