my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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