what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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