There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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