No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
