Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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