You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The air taste purple.
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