Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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