You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
