I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
