Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
even my farts smell like vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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