You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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