i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit