There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.