its not stalking. its research.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.