3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
