had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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