just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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