your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
