its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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