Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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