I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
