I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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