man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
