I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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