This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize