I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
