dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
