The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
