I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
