I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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