The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
