I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
