"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
