Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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