Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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