Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
