before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
