my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
