dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
