It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
