Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
