Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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