Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
