shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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