I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
