is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
