My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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