the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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