i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
