I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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