Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
