we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
