Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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