I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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