I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
