im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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