Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
