brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
