So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
