You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
