I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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