He disabled his match.com account in front of me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
