Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
