i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
