Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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