I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
