i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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