How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
