Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
