Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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