Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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