Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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