Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
