When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
