I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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