Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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