I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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