You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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