Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
