I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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