You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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