U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how do flat chested girls get laid?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
