I think I just saw someone hide a body.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
