theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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