I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
