Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
