I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
