we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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