i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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