It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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