College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE