college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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