Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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I think your husband is breaking up with me...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.