He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."