Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.

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  (858): Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star. http://tfl.nu/4wpn
  Replies (27) Good night (3013) Bad night (783)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

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  (816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5
  Replies (40) Good night (4695) Bad night (645)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?

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  (224): So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went? http://tfl.nu/eczc
  Replies (46) Good night (4575) Bad night (1084)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.

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  (817): I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that. http://tfl.nu/nbo5
  Replies (27) Good night (1012) Bad night (5738)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid

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  (314): I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid http://tfl.nu/zczt
  Replies (35) Good night (1701) Bad night (3316)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

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  (203): She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious http://tfl.nu/rvtf
  Replies (35) Good night (4919) Bad night (2658)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again

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  (843): We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again http://tfl.nu/w71h
  Replies (23) Good night (1060) Bad night (3525)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

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  (913): So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof. http://tfl.nu/7fh1
  Replies (8) Good night (2864) Bad night (1019)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.

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  (651): i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/14sr
  Replies (5) Good night (3017) Bad night (969)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.

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  (204): You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times. http://tfl.nu/dj81
  Replies (3) Good night (2216) Bad night (675)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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  (812): After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything. http://tfl.nu/te7o
  Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (731)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.

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  (732): My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally. http://tfl.nu/1mf9
  Replies (3) Good night (1100) Bad night (622)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.

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  (410): The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager. http://tfl.nu/3fqc
  Replies (8) Good night (764) Bad night (1989)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Most definitely.

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  (706): If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you? (901): Most definitely. http://tfl.nu/a94l
  Replies (4) Good night (1008) Bad night (407)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.

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  (425): The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house. http://tfl.nu/wynr
  Replies (4) Good night (613) Bad night (402)

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