i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave