Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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  (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses http://tfl.nu/u543
  Replies (6) Good night (4422) Bad night (635)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.

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  (514): What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign. http://tfl.nu/l1zt
  Replies (11) Good night (805) Bad night (3560)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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  (717): and on the fourth day, god made foam parties. http://tfl.nu/nmea
  Replies (21) Good night (5093) Bad night (1064)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench

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  (315): Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench http://tfl.nu/9nh4
  Replies (20) Good night (5752) Bad night (1448)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.

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  (712): Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night. http://tfl.nu/6nit
  Replies (10) Good night (2457) Bad night (810)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!

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  (803): There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED! http://tfl.nu/9ss0
  Replies (5) Good night (1689) Bad night (1157)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."

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  (519): I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it." http://tfl.nu/vqit
  Replies (14) Good night (4624) Bad night (865)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

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  (419): The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child. http://tfl.nu/ltf5
  Replies (17) Good night (890) Bad night (2447)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.

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  (541): We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin. http://tfl.nu/h15a
  Replies (4) Good night (680) Bad night (451)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots

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  (318): I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots http://tfl.nu/pvb5
  Replies (3) Good night (761) Bad night (393)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.

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  (859): So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius. http://tfl.nu/kk6i
  Replies (3) Good night (1093) Bad night (392)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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  (775): My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock. http://tfl.nu/3cuy
  Replies (10) Good night (1348) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.

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  (904): Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won. http://tfl.nu/7tlp
  Replies (1) Good night (1329) Bad night (296)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me

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  (814): I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me http://tfl.nu/v541
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (618)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy

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  (301): Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy http://tfl.nu/cyqj
  Replies (2) Good night (394) Bad night (467)

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