Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
4 words: hood of his car
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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