I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
