I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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