That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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